When I dealt with the blockage
By Susan Yap
Bang!
On 8th December, 2014 when I was in a clinic to get my medication, I walked into a glass wall thinking it was a door. I fell backwards. The nurses helped me to get up. I could walk and didn’t feel any pain at all but when I came home, my whole body ached. I took a Panadol and went to sleep. Towards evening, the pain increased and I went to get a jab and some painkillers from a doctor. There wasn’t any improvement. I saw this doctor twice, went to a Chinese sinseh and also went for physiotherapy. After two weeks, I had intense pain in my legs. I was admitted into hospital and after MRI and X-ray, the doctor discovered I had a compound fracture on my spine.
Susan Yap
Long and tedious
The road to recovery was a long and tedious one. My good neighbour came to help me the first week. My children, and grandchildren visited me and gave me a lot of support. During my recuperation, I learnt how much joy I got from my loved ones, friends, pastors and doctors for their prayers, words of love, encouragement and visits. I remembered an old lady on a wheelchair who came to visit me in the hospital on a wet evening and a friend who is blind visiting me in my home. I treasured the home-cooked meals friends brought over.
However I had a lot of fear and anxiety. I lost my appetite for food and couldn’t sleep well. My body often felt cold and hot and uncomfortable. Time never seemed to move at all; I felt like pushing the hands of the clock sometimes. During this period I had time to ponder that although I’ve been a Christian for the past thirty years, I didn’t really have a close walk with God. My daily routine was reading a short passage from the Bible, say a short prayer and start the household chores. Sometimes I didn’t pray at all. I thought God was telling me to slow down, to draw closer and to talk and listen to Him daily.
I encountered other health problems too during this time. After being indoors for two months, only could I start walking around my neighbourhood. I had pains in my chest, so I went to a cardiologist. He found nothing wrong after going through some tests. Later I had an attack of vertigo and had to take medication for a few months.
Different prayer
I had been praying to God for healing but it was rather slow. One day my daughter-in-law gave me an article which taught me to pray boldly, to speak to my mountains: “Mountain of sickness, mountain of fear, mountain of anxiety and mountain of depression, you’ve no right in my body. I’m a child of the Most High God. You are not welcome here. I am not asking you to leave; I am not saying, ‘Pretty please, do me a favour’. No, I’m commanding you to leave my body”. I kept repeating this prayer daily. I felt my spirit was uplifted but I still felt my recovery was not complete.
Buried deep
One day a friend pointed to me that my illness might be that I had been harbouring unforgiveness in my heart. In my quiet time with God, I asked Him to speak to me. The Holy Spirit then revealed to me that deeply buried in my heart was my bitterness towards a particular person whom I felt had caused great harm to me. At first I reasoned with God, ‘But Lord I have already put the whole matter away. I think I am no longer angry with her anymore.’ But God whispered softly, ‘Yes, child but you have not forgiven her, you are still bitter against her.’ Then conviction came upon me. I acknowledged my bitterness, confessed my sin and asked God to forgive me for bearing all those grudges. I made a declaration, “I forgive her for all the hurt that she has done to me. God please bless her”. Immediately, I could feel my mountain removed. It was a moment of cleansing and release. When I visited my geriatrician who attends to all my health complaints, I asked him “Doctor how do I look?” He replied “excellent”. Indeed I am excellent outside as well as inside, having been rejuvenated by the Great Physician. I feel encouraged when my daughter-in-law wrote on my birthday card, ‘Mummy no one is too young or too old to be used by God. You are always the perfect age’. My son added ‘Mummy, encourage others by your healing testimony’. Now I understand that no matter how many years unforgiveness has affected me, the moment I deal with it my health is restored and my spirit is set free. End
Susan was a teacher, now retired, living in Melaka.
